2008 過了一半之後，我們終於再寫

一個婚禮, 一個葬禮

Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 10:50am

婚禮

六月，當K想起了她的葬禮，我答應了送她一個婚禮。我和

K這一對孿生雙子，因塔爾戈沙漠而緊緊聯結，在往後的日子裡各自追尋過去，然後又回到起點，重新起步，生命循環不息，也正是我們所說的WHERE EVERYTHING ENDS AND BEGAN。

這些日子我想了很多很多，婚禮上的細節、食物、人和事……但原來最後全都不是最想要的。K說，我要在葬禮上為她問一條心理測驗，我想，在我的婚宴上，也要問一條心理測驗，大概也還是那一條兔仔、人和鑰匙的問題。只可惜我已永永遠遠記住了答案和解釋，沒有運氣更改答案。所以也許要K成為我的MAID OF DISHONOR (最好仍是以南美洲樹精的造型出現)，在人生的第二個階段開始前，把22歲我對未來的我，默默DISHONOR一次。

我希望那裡只有一張酸枝木桌，桌上有很多很多小火光，旁邊坐著我的家人。VIOLIN是我唯一的MAID OF HONOR，JUJU、DENISE、RO、JESSICA 這些陪伴我成長的同伴，是今日的見證，吳家心、鄭煒和BILLY是我的BEST MAN。詹前穎繼續做她的古希臘酒神，在長桌上瘋瘋癲癲，這就是我最喜愛最像她的樣子。可，我還是不喝酒，也不吃東西，席上只有一杯杯巧克力，古瑪雅時代的巧克力，不加糖，有一點焦苦、有一點辛辣，但還是會在腦中釋放出快樂的化學劑，因為到今日的我才明白，最完美完整的人生，就像最原始的巧克力一樣，往往有一點殘缺。

我對K說過，在我人生中大概從第一本中文書開始，就無法離開中國這個古代文明。可是我卻在拉丁美洲這個瘋狂的文化中，找到前所未有的平靜。曾經有人凌晨兩點在一間小小的DINER問我，是否相信DESTINY (這個字我無法翻譯成中文)，他說，相信THINGS HAPPENED FOR REASON。那時的我答他，人類窮一生其實只能明白THINGS HAPPENED FOR REASON的意思，始終未有資格討論DESTINY。此刻的我忽然想起拿破崙送給JOSEPHINE指環上寫著的「AU DESTIN」，拿破崙和JOSEPHINE從澈情、背叛再相愛，直至最後因為王位而離婚，真真切切的愛了十年。離婚幾年後，JOSEPHINE死去，拿破崙把自己關了在房中兩天。如果可以，我希望VICTORIA可以在我交換介指時，幫我把這個故事講出來，這個故事，對我和她都有重大的意義。

生命循環不息，如果說葬禮是一個由結束而來的開始，那麼我願送給所有我親愛的朋友一個婚禮----在我們還未失去之前，還來得切重新開始。

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葬禮
Saturday, June 7, 2008 at 8:25pm

This morning when I was on the way to work, I thought about my funeral.

I would love to have Uncle William to say a few words. He might talk about our Tak Ming karaoke time and some weird sides of me facing family and love crises. Maybe he'll compliment on my photographing skills. He won't cry as he usually unable to, which is a good thing for funeral; he will even make some punch-lines out of it. I hope he'll be bold enough to squeeze a few minutes talking about trees and ecological living. After all, my life wasn't as worthwhile as trees and green-conscious-living.

Stella has to be the next sharing person. She'll laugh. I hope she'll begin with a clever psychological test, like those she used to game with me, that my friends will earn some insights about themselves on my funeral. She knows the most fragile and courageous part of me in our days of youth. It doesn't really matter what she says, honestly, but I wish Mexican will be there by her side when she weeps right after finishing her speech. I hope my going away will not trigger her too much.

It's up to PK whether he has anything to say. He's my adorable brother whose heart is sophisticated but always pure as a child. If he wishes, let him goes before Angela.

Angela, the brightest person with endless positive energy I've ever known, is a friend I deeply treasure. She will end the session with encouraging and constructive note, with a dazzling, lovely smile.

By the time I leave this world, I wish I have a child and a husband whom I had learned to love - knowing that neither can I possess anybody nor lose anybody. It is the hardest part of life. Listen to the very nature of human body and you will understand the reason why I wish to be buried beneath a tree - let it be fertilizer, may it generates other lives.